I’ve been a full time working mom for many years now and maintaining my sanity at times is very difficult. All to often I get asked the question “How is it possible to maintain your sanity and be a full time working or stay at home mom?”
Well…Let me tell you a little story. It was after 6 as we all got home from our daily activities, you know… work, school, dance. I began to start dinner as I had just finished up showering. The kids were fighting in the other room “Quit coming into my room.” “Mom, he keeps coming in my room! Make him stop.” Dogs start barking as the kids are running from each other trying to “attack” each other.
My darling husband in the shower where he can’t hear a thing.
Standing there by the kitchen counter I began to feel the tears well up in my eyes. Everything that was being said to me was like a knife stabbing me a million times. I couldn’t deal with it, I ran out of the room stomping my feet, and slammed the door behind me like I was 15 again and mad at my parents. And then… I did the “ugly cry”. We are talking short of breath, hiccuping, snot-nose kid cry.
As I laid there on the bed wallowing in my tears, I can hear tiny feet out in the hall and little voices whispering asking daddy, “Is mommy ok?” Yet there I was grief-stricken and completely overwhelmed with life. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my emotions, nor could I tell you why… at that moment… I felt the massive need to just cry.
Is It ok to have a Melt Down?
Often in life, we come across a road that is just filled with bumps. With kids, school, a full-time job, and being a wife it all just comes to crashing down on you. Things get overwhelming and that is ok. It is ok to just take a minute and “ugly cry” in the bedroom.
Because you know what… after that moment I felt a million times better. I’m guessing that somewhere along the lines of science, crying can actually make you feel better afterword. It releases natural chemicals into the body and can soothe your emotions making you feel more at peace. YA I didn’t believe it either.
So go ahead!!! Let it out and give yourself a good cry girlfriend.
Let’s Be Real Shall we
Life gets stressful and keeping it all together for everyone’s sake is well just not as realistic as we would all like it to be. Mom’s especially are more susceptible to hormones overtaking their bodies on a monthly basis (thank you, Lord!)
Mommas are pushed, poked, and prodded and honestly, we are constantly trying to make others happy but ourselves.
We have kids that need to be fed. A husband that needs to be loved. Friends that will listen on occasion and even animals and houses that need to be tended to. We are exhausted moms but we wear our hearts on our sleeves. You are you and you deserve to enjoy a minute or two of YOU time.
Make it about you
All too often we fall short from the fact that we are so busy in our daily lives that we feel like we don’t have time to stop and care for ourselves. We can’t be in 10 places at once it just doesn’t happen that way. We are human and we are deserving of self-love.
Enjoy yourself, be in your own presence. Laugh at yourself and for god sakes enjoy those moments!
Enjoy the moments that you have with your children who are chasing each other around the house, enjoy the moment of the dog barking because your children are chasing each other.
And just think…(as it may sound cliché) there are many women out there that would give anything to be in your shoes for that moment. These are the moments that you can’t take back. Enjoy them, cherish them, and let yourself relax for a moment.
You can do it!
Following my meltdown and need for self-realization, my husband approached me as he always does, and says “Your too hard on yourself.” Definitely one of those “AH HA” moments. I was caught up in my head and all of the things that needed to be done at that moment and didn’t realize that.
Yes! Maybe it is hard right now but I don’t have to be perfect for the people that love me. All they see is “Why is mom crying”. Wipe your tears lady! You have a family to tend to.
As working mommas, we try and juggle life, bills, and so on. Believe you me there is no such thing as a Work, life balance. Something will always be waxing or waning. Focusing on the present and setting goals for yourself is the key to maintaining your sanity while you’re a full time working mom.
What I Did to Pick up the Pieces of my Sanity
Working a full-time job and being a mom is HARD! Juggling everything takes a toll on you and your health. When I was in nursing school, I had a baby. My husband was working full time and was on the road chasing the money (as we call it).
I went to school to be able to start a life I enjoyed. During school, I was alone A LOT! As I’m sure many of you moms can relate. With a small child, you can imagine the stress that it brought me, finding child care especially on the weekends was a drag!
Of course, I didn’t want to leave my new baby but I had a goal to invest in myself and complete my nursing career. I knew that in the long run, it would benefit me for our future as a family.
The Big Advancement
Finally, I graduated! Beginning the transition to working full time at a local hospital. YEP, Full-time folks! As an RN you work 12 hours shifts and at the end of the day, you’re completely drained. Who really has time for anything at this point? Right!?
During this time there was a shift in my dynamic and many things were thrown out of balance. IE; family life, daycare, and my sanity. I was definitely not my own bestie.
Sanity 101 Working Mom
You’ll want to know that the secret to anyone’s success in life is their outlook on life. Meaning…mindset changes. The key to any success is MINDSET. To have a mindset shift is life-changing and working on yourself first should always be first.
With that being said, by shifting my mindset and believing in myself and what I was doing with my life created such a HUGE transformation in my life. I created a positive vibe and outlook on my life. Believe it or not my days went smoother, I was happier, and I was starting to see my successes instead of my failures.
I began to read books on my off time I read the Secret By Rhonda Byrne (you can check it out here! )
and Think and Grow Rich By Napolean Hill (you can check that out here! ) There are many more that I read, for the joy of reading that helped me substantially. I’ll leave the list below!
The Shift began
The beginning of my sanity returning can be contributed to journaling. Now, I know this sounds weird or even versed, but you must understand that as a nurse in the hospital setting working 12-hour shifts 4 days a week is draining as mentioned above. It is a sure-fire way to offset your mind and keep you from maintaining you and your beloved sanity.
Journaling was something that I became very fond of and found it very easy to vent on paper. I researched the effects of the Law of Attraction online and found that many people were using journaling as a resource for their mindset shifts.
I went on Amazon and purchased a journal called The Law of Attraction Goal Planner and Organizer (Check it out here! )This little journal is quite the lifesaver. It contains pages for reflections, quotes, and affirmations and has everything you need to succeed at shifting your mindset.
At the end of every day, there are places to write down what you are grateful for. For me, this was an eye-opener.
Going through each day
Going through each day coming up with something I was grateful for was slightly difficult. I didn’t realize that there was so much that I had to be grateful for. Going further into my journal I learned where my real focus was and it wasn’t on me, it was on my family, my husband, and kids. That was where my real focus needed to be.
Taking time to reflect on my day and shift my mindset on the goals that I had for the week was something that I began to look forward to. This journal helped me establish goals and maintain a positive mindset shift. If you can imagine, things began to change. As a result, my mind began to shift to a place I would have never thought possible.
Create a Vision Board
As we all have some form of goals that we want to accomplish in our lives it is a proven fact that those who write down their goals will accomplish them.
Did you know that only 3% of people in America write down their goals? What is even crazier than that is only 13% have goals in mind but never achieve them. Moreso, only 85% of people have no goals or have never thought about having goals. Isn’t this CRAZY talk??? Can you remember when you were in high school and we all had to put in applications for College? Well… that is a GOAL girlfriend!!
How to Create a Vision Board
Vision boards are very easy to create and they are a proven tool to help you achieve your goals. Honestly believing in vision boards never seemed within reach. In actuality, it took a while after journaling to give in to making a vision board but I did, thus creating a new meaning for me.
- Concentration on the things that I wanted for myself and my family.
- Focusing on my goal each and every day the more check marks I could check off of my vision board.
- Creating a vision board for my phone was a great idea! Looking at it the vision board every day to remind myself how lucky I am to be where I am at this point in time.
- As all of these things or visions were becoming reality my self-perception changed. My relationships changed, my daily routines changed and even my appearance changed. Check out my Vision board
These are real pictures and ones that mean a lot to me as a person. Pictures can be anything you want them to be! You are free to choose any pictures you like that means something to you. As a matter of fact, with these pictures and a few words, it was possible to shift my whole mind and become more so in the present than in the past.
Now, for some people, these steps are just a mere inkling of what you might need to go through to get back to your better/higher self. Having had to regroup and go back and reset my mind and make time for me. So it began, once I shifted my mindset I was able to prioritize my life and my sanity as a working mom began to normalize.
Thus it was a realization that getting so angry about the small things (even though sometimes it is still hard and I’m not perfect at all) was hurting the people around me. I put my family first and made plans to finish what I start and keep things simple.
How I Maintain my Sanity
Little steps in changing your mindset are often all it takes to make a major shift in your life. For me, the breaking point was stomping my feet like a child and throwing a tantrum to know that something had to change.
With these little fixes in your daily routine, I guarantee that you will see your life and your attitude start changing and your sanity as a working or stay at home mom will begin to return. As moms, we struggle to forget the important things in life and tend to focus more on the “What needs to be done right now!” aspect.
In all actuality, it is ok to focus on yourself for a change. Allow yourself the acknowledgment that you deserve, allow yourself to be able to focus on yourself. Somewhere I read that even getting your hair and nails creates a euphoric feeling for women and releases a feel-good hormone known as dopamine. If you’re needing some quick tips on self-care here is another great article to check out 8 Quick Self Care Tips for Stressed Out Mom’s.
We all need a little bit more of that in our lives. Right! Essentially it is beneficial to maintain your sanity as a working mom. Below I’ve compiled a small list of all of the self-care books that helped me grow as a mom!
Check out my list of Book recommendations here
What to Say when you Talk to Yourself Shad Helmstetter – check it out here
The Slight Edge By Jeff Olson – check it out here
Girl Code – check it out here
Think and Grow Rich By Napolean Hill – check it out here
The Secret By Rhonda Byrne – check it out here
Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis – check it out here
Girl Stop Apologizing By Rachel Hollis – check it out here